did you get engaged???
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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