so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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