What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
