I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
