Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
