Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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