the condom got lost in my hair
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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