Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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