So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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