I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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