i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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