I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
