dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
