Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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