If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i think i just lost a toe
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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