i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have fence marks all over my body
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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