Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
