My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Duck Duck Cougar?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
