It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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