hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
