Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
