My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
