I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
