I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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