The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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