apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
