Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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