She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
