I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
