it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
