sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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