Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
