I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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