I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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