I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
