dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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