Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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