How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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