After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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