i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
