in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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