I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
