The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
