Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
