***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
