Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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