can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
