I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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