i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
