I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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