Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
