I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
