i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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