the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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