I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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