I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
