There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
