you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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