How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
