Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
