I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
accomplished twins. life is a go
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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