I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
