he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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