Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
time to smoke my breakfast
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
