please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
