A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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