end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
