meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
