need another drink. this is the easiest way
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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